Carpe Diem

Oh, tumblr. You’re like an old friend that I repeatedly neglect, and yet, you never hold a grudge or any harsh feelings. You only just welcome me with open arms when I return.

So here I am, returning. Probably not for long, as is my pattern, but you never know. Maybe I’ll stay this time.

But I’ll tell you about one thing that I hope will always stay in my life. My relationship with Alex has made me happier and more filled with love than I have ever been. I just sound corny when I write or talk about him, and I don’t know how to accurately describe how I feel for him. There are just no words, really. It’s all about this amazing, almost celestial or serendipitous feeling that he gives me. I’m so happy and I feel so lucky to have him back. I can’t imagine my life without him.

Other than life with Alex, I have a job that I love at the most beautiful dog daycare/kennel that I’ve ever seen in my favorite city. It’s amazing, really. And I’m so honored to work there. I spent some time at the most horrific business I’ve ever come across, but couldn’t bear to stay, despite the good pay and location. So, I found a way out. As is also my pattern. I can’t do something that I don’t believe in 100%, down to my core.

School is insanely busy, and I’m taking 5 courses: Spanish, Perception, Abnormal Behavior, Organic Chemistry and Plant Biology. The last being the hardest. I’m doing well, but it’s so much work. I do, however, get to graduate in May 2013 if all goes as planned. Finally. It’s been a long road. I’m probably taking 4 classes this summer (2 is considered a full-load), but I hope to learn a lot and boost my GPA. I’m taking nonfiction writing with the professor that taught the bible this past summer, just for fun. I really need to start writing again. I’m almost beginning to forget how.

All, in all, things are good. Drama happens, but I’ve learned how to keep it at bay and politely reconcile it, I suppose.

:D

500 days

Some moments, all I feel is comfortable. All it feels is familiar. It just feels right, without a need to even think about this, or us, so I just smile, because I’m just happy.

But in other moments, I look at you, and I think of all the nights I spent alone after you were gone. The times when all I could feel was real, deep, aching in my heart that was so hard to get through. The times when I had to recite the ABCs in my head to distract myself, even just for a second.

Sometimes, in these new moments, I look at you and I just want to cry. I want to cry for all the time we spent apart and all the things that happened in the time that has passed.

But even more, in these moments, I want to cry because my happiness now goes just as deep as my aching did. The way you make me feel goes so deep through me that’s it’s as if it fills up the hole that has been there in my heart since you’ve been gone.

You have the ability to completely fix me, and I didn’t even know I still needed to be repaired.

I’ve missed you, more than I could possibly begin to explain.
This is so complicated outside our little haven of happiness.
But I don’t care,
because now,
I have so much faith.

I could just cry right now, I am so happy.
Oh, that’s right, I already did last night when “The Day Before You” came on.
I forgot what this felt like.
I am turning into a happy, yet blubbering, lovesick moron.
Oh. My. God.

Oh, Tumblr.

If only I could tumble about all the things I want to tumble about, this would surely be a more interesting Tumblr entry. But I can’t, so it’s not. The end.

I feel like I should write something.
Because of this song?
Who knows.

I have no idea why I’m here
or what I’d like to say.

Or even what I’d not like to say.

Maybe.
I just want to remember something about this feeling,
even if I can’t describe what it means.

I’m sure this makes no sense.
Maybe I won’t even make sense of it when I re-read it later.

But, then again…

Maybe later,
it will just make
perfect
sense.

I swear all of Joshua Radin’s love songs were written for me and my dog. :)

Deactivation

I deactivated my Facebook account temporarily, and since the app was on my iPhone’s homescreen, I had to move it or I’d probably press it due to habit and then realize that I deactivated it. So, I replaced my Facebook icon with the tumblr icon (and it’s also blue like the fb one) and now every time I’m bored and/or have the urge to go on Facebook, I come to Tumblr instead. So, since I’m here, I may as well write, right? I’m sensing a lot of new entries in my future.

There has to be a way that I can get to California without having to give a kidney to do so. Thoughts? I need a real cheap plane ticket.

I need to get far far far away from here.